Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
