ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
