are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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