is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
