ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
