having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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