How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
bring money and cleavage
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize