Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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