well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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