I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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