I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
