She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I had to cum in my sink.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
