Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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