not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
