Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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