i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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