she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
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You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
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I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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