GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The Olympian is in my bed
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
