i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
