i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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