I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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