Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
