they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
