You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize