i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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