Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
