Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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