My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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