It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
