I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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