So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
