so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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