He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
