I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize