Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
