everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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