I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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