If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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