and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
