so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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