I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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