so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
