You smell like stripper and shame
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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