Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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