new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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