i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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