i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
