i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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