i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
