PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
