You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
