did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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