Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
of course. lets lasso hookers.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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