you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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