so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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