i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
