"it" just moved
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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