That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
