Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
