I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
