i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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