you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How naked do you want me to be?
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