Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I am midnight drunk by noon
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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