I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
