Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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