Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
