Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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