He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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