ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
