No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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