there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Sober January is a disaster.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
