I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you cant smoke seaweed
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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