just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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